Week 4- black sheep

 Week 4- black sheep

Orlando, FL, 7/27, 10:30pm

CW:  Mentions of suicide, religious trauma


This week, I saw a play at a local community theatre titled The Sunset Limited. It is about a religious ex-con (Black) who saves a nihilistic atheist professor (White) from a suicide attempt, and the entire play is the two debating back and forth about religion and the purpose of life. Black tries to convince White that there is something to live for, while White views suicide as his only escape. Spoiler- White never changes his mind, and ends up killing himself in the end. 

For obvious reasons, this left me distraught. Although I don't consider myself religious anymore, I couldn't help but want White to be. 
I left the theatre thinking more about religion, specifically Christianity, and my relationship to it. I grew up very religious, and my family still is, and now is one of those times where it feels more present around me. 

I hate using the word trauma for fear of misusing it, but every time I talk about religion, my body starts shaking the way it does when I'm at peak anxiety. But it's more of a physical sensation, not like the usual anxiety I feel, which is in my gut. 

Anyways, I was inspired to use poetry this week as my creative practice, which is common when I'm feeling extreme emotion. I found that by using it to explore religion as it pertains to me and this period of my life, my feelings of anxiety diminished. There's just something about articulating your thoughts that makes them less intimidating.


 

Black sheep 

“Your wool is too thick” 

Even if it warms you 

They want it gone 

 

Black sheep 

Faith is a blanket 

Do you believe in warmth? 

Do you believe in the hands that sew? 

 

Black Sheep 

Why do you sit in quiet  

in the front pew 

                 is doubt contagious? 

 

Black Sheep 

can salvation be found in conversation? 

Follow the shepherd. 

i shall not want

 

Black Sheep 

Faith is the assurance 

Of things hoped for 

And the conviction 

Of things not seen 

is mercy holding someone back from the fall 

or letting them go    ? 

 

 

 

 

 




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